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Recovery from divorce requires us to make changes in our lives. Lots of changes. No big surprise here. For example, divorce almost always forces us to make changes in our relationships, our finances, our living arrangements, our health-related activities, our self-development, and [url=http://www.batfriendtrust.it]scarpe hogan[/url] our recreational and social activities.
The logical prescription to speed our transition from being unhappily married to happily unmarried is straightforward: make the necessary changes ASAP! No problem. Why, then, don't we do it? Why are we universally reluctant to do the obvious and make the changes that would improve our life after divorce?
The answer? RESISTANCE TO CHANGE! Resistance to change is our reluctance to make a positive change because of personal reasons.
1. A Personal Example
What I did when my first marriage ended [url=http://www.renaissancedestoiles.fr]louboutin pas cher[/url] is an example of how resistance to change prevents us from making a swift and smooth recovery from divorce. After eight years of marriage, my wife and I agreed it was over. We had tried several things to save it - couples counseling, communication training weekends, [url=http://www.lotogame.fr/hollisterfrance.php]www.lotogame.fr/hollisterfrance.php[/url] couples retreats, individual therapy. These efforts only served to reinforce our belief that a divorce was the right thing to do. Even though a judge had not signed any paper yet, the harsh reality was the marriage was over.
2. Three Ways Resistance to Change Can Ruin Your Divorce Recovery
Three things prevented me from moving on and making my recovery from divorce.
(1) FEAR - [url=http://www.url-battle.com/cgi/sample/yybbs.cgi?p%3C/a%3E]louboutin A Dissertation on t[/url] I was afraid of an unknown [url=http://www.orlando-apts.com/cheapnfljerseys/]cheap nfl jerseys[/url] future.
(2) LOSS - I did not want to lose my "perfect life fantasy" of being married "til death do [url=http://www.accrh.fr]doudoune moncler[/url] us part" with a loving wife and living with two wonderful daughters.
(3) SKILLS - I did not believe I had the ability to live successfully as a single man. These three things illustrate the three causes of resistance [url=http://cgi.www5e.biglobe.ne.jp/~kurusu/cgi/light/light.cgi?res=4568]www.thehygienerevolution.com/[/url] to change, which had me firmly in its grasp.
3. Cause #1 of Resistance to Change - Fear of an Unknown Future
I could not guarantee my future would be happy. I could not guarantee that I would meet someone new. My disaster fantasy was that I would never find true love again and would live alone [url=http://www.mamlekabu.co.uk/mulberry/index.php]mulberry outlet[/url] and lonely the rest of my life. This fear paralyzed me and prevented me from moving into the next chapter of my life.
4. Cause #2 of Resistance to Change - Distress Over Loss
Moving on meant I would lose daily access to my two daughters. It also meant I would lose the stability of a daily living routine. But most importantly, it meant I would lose the hopes, dreams, and assumptions about our family I had been collecting ever since my wife and I met.
For example, I had [url=http://www.muvilav.it]woolrich outlet[/url] hoped my family would last forever. I had assumed I [url=http://www.lotogame.fr/hollisterfrance.php]hollister pas cher[/url] would be involved daily in my daughters' lives. I had dreamed of growing old with my wife. My parents were married 67 years, so why not me too? Taking the active steps to recover would force me to admit that these hopes, dreams, and assumptions were shattered. The loss seemed more than I could handle. Hence, I put off moving on and thereby delayed my recovery from divorce.
5. Cause #3 of Resistance to Change - Uncertainty over the Operational Aspects
Logic-based resistance to change reflects our reluctance to make a change because we do not understand or agree with the Who, What, When, Where, Why, and/or How of the change. My logic-based resistance was based partly in my uncertainty about some [url=http://www.par5club.com/louboutin.php]louboutin[/url] How's and Who's of dating.
I had not dated for over nine years. I was convinced I would not be able to date without thoroughly embarrassing myself. I was stuck on such issues as ' "How do you date?" "Who will I date?' "Where will I find people to date?" As long as I pretended I did not have to take control of my divorce recovery, I [url=http://www.nitafrymeece.com/louboutin/]chaussures louboutin pas cher[/url] did not have to confront my ineptitude with dating.
6. So How Can You Use This?
One fact exists, resistance to change happens to EVERYONE. It will happen to you. Be aware of its causes and be alert to your fears, your reactions to loss, and your confusion [url=http://www.nitafrymeece.com/louboutin/]louboutin chaussures soldes[/url] over the operational nuts and bolts of making a recovery. [url=http://lib.ck.tp.edu.tw/asia2011_chin/?p=5#comment-978420]Why is aluminium piping an improvement over copper - written by Sarah Haines[/url] It's all about taking the next step. Making the next change. You can be paralyzed by resistance to change as [url=http://www.fayatindia.com/giuseppe-zanotti.html]giuseppe zanotti pas cher[/url] I was, or you can confront the resistance and dissolve it, thus enabling you to get on with the next chapter in your life.
Some questions to ask yourself that will help guide you on your recovery might include - What about the future do you fear today? What about "how things used to be" are hard for you to give up? Are you confident that you have the skills and knowledge to make your recovery?
You do not have to replicate my experience. For more insight into how to minimize the impact of resistance to change on your swift and smooth recovery from divorce, visit For an assessment of your Divorce Recovery Stress Level, visit am Jerald Young, a divorce recovery coach. I help clients return their life to normal ASAP.
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Divorce Recovery and Resistance to Change - How to Sabotage Your Divorce Recovery without Even TryingArticle Summary: Successful divorce recovery demands that we make many changes. Why, then, are we so universally [url=http://www.fayatindia.com/giuseppe-zanotti.html‎]www.fayatindia.com/giuseppe-zanotti.html‎[/url] reluctant to make the very changes that would improve our life after divorce? See why this happens and [url=http://www.nitafrymeece.com/louboutin/]christian louboutin pas cher[/url] what we can do about it.
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